3593 Days since retiring July 1, 2005!

”The song in my heart has been displaced by the keening of a desolate wind through the bombed out ruins of my life.”

Sorry for the bitterness and anguish of those lines. Let me explain and also account for the lapse since my last entry. Though I am surrounded by wonderful people who care for me and take much interest in my being I am lonely beyond despair. I have an adoring cat who this moment is sleeping on my right foot with his fore feet wrapped around my ankle. Rascal has kept me as sane as possible yet… And yet my every waking moment is consumed, increasingly so, by the absence of my wife Carolyn. I know the old wisdom that says the pain will diminish but mine has not. A couple of days after planting my little garden space Rascal and I decided we really, really wanted some good old greasy original (HaHa) formula KFC chicken breast. BTW where are the nipples on those things? As I was driving to the KFC on Westheimer Rd a feeling of aloneness stole up and over me. As I sat waiting to make a left turn into their parking lot I realized “I’ll be doing this the rest of my life without her!” Since that time I have tried to fill every waking moment with mind numbing worked. Last night shortly after Rascal and I had bedded down I realized I was not gonna sleep. I got up, dressed, got in my car and headed south on I59/I69. Around about Edna I turned onto hwy 111 toward Yoakum. I stopped near the end of “City of Hochheim Road” and waited for the moon to rise. I somewhat found a sense of peace and lack of turmoil. Caro and I used to spend a lot of time in our early years watching the full moon rise and set. I was surprised while writing to realize that route was the one we followed from our apartment in Austin to our old homes in Markham. And I drove that route innumerable times returning to Caro from my stupid time in San Marcos at Southwest Texas College.
On the way back to Houston early this morning I thought I heard a voice saying “Do not fret, she is safe with me. Your time will end soon enough.”

Rascal roused when I walked in and went back to sleep. Just now he woke and told me he was hungry. So I am off to fix us some kind of breakfast/lunch. I do need to make a grocery run.

In other news: April 19 planted okra, kohlrabi, and kale seeds in garden space sowed kohlrabi and kale. Planted 6 holes of okra. The soil is lousy. After all the rains it looks like hard pack dirt of west Texas. I had to use a lot of force to break the surface crust for weeding.

A week later I transplanted my tomato plant to the garden space. It looks wilted every day. After the season I am going to add a lot of compost and organic matter and maybe sand to break up the soil.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.